If I Die Young
by sarahbell86
Summary: Ethan gets a letter from Kristina, and realizes just how much he feels for her. SPOILERS for upcoming storylines.


**Title:** If I Die Young (1/1)

**Author**: sarahbell86

**Fandom**: General Hospital

**Characters/Pairing**: Ethan Lovett/Kristina Davis

**Rating**: PG

**Genre**: Angst/Romance

**Word Count**: 1490

**Warnings**: SPOILERS for upcoming storylines.

**Summary**: Ethan gets a letter from Kristina, and realizes just how much he feels for her.

**Notes**: We've received some vague spoilers about the future Ethina storyline, so this is what I hope to see come from it.

_If I Die Young_

_Dear Ethan,_

_I never thought that I'd be writing this to you. To anyone, really. It's funny really. You always think that there's so much time. Be patient, slow down, think before you leap. But then, you find out that's nto true. Every second ticking away is another chance lost, another moment of not going after what you want. I've wasted so much time, caught up in myself and my own drama. I've spent so much time trying to get back at the people who hurt me, the ones I blamed for creating the damaged person that I am. I've wasted so much time with you, playing silly games in an attempt to make you love me. Love me the way I love you. Your friendship wasn't enough, I was convinced, I had to have it all, to __be__ your all. All that time I could have spent simply enjoying the time I had with you, instead of trying to feel what I feel. For that, I'll always be sorry. You were - are - the best friend I've ever had. You protected me when no one saw what was happening with Kiefer, you saved my life at the lakehouse (get that look off of your face, Ethan - you __did__ save me, in so many ways). You've brought me back from the edge so many times. You're a hero, whether you believe it or not. You're my hero. I just wish you could save me this time. _

_I'll never be able to tell you this in person, but I'm dying. I've never kept anything from you, but this...this I can't share. You can't rescue me this time, and I don't want your last memories of me to be like this. I'm not sure how you'll remember me, I know I don't want it to be as the sick girl wasting away in a hospital bed. I'm writing this letter now, in case I can't later. The doctors don't know how much time I have left, which I'm glad for in a way. I'm going to make the most of my time. I'm going to tell Molly everything I know about love (which I learned from you). I'm going to thank Sam for being the best big sister I could have ever asked for. I'm going to make sure my mother knows just how amazing I think is. I'm going to make amends with my father. I'm not going to be the great love of your life, like I had hoped for, but I want you to know that you were mine. You were everything I ever wanted and more, and I know you'll make these last days happy even if you don't know that I'm leaving. So, thank you. Thank you for being my friend, my confidant, my shoulder to cry on, and my hero._

_ All my love,_

_ Kristina_

The paper is shaking in Ethan's hands by the time he reaches the end. The letter is dated two days ago, so obviously he wasn't meant to receive it. Yet.

He had found the envelope ont he bar at the Star, the only writing on it a simple _For Ethan_. He remembered Krissy being light headed in the elevator at Johnny's, but she had brushed it off as nothing, and he had forgotten all about it. Until now. It wasn't until the tear hit the letter that he realized he was crying. He rarely cried, but in that moment he felt the floodgates open, great heavy sobs racking his body. He slid down the wall as he gasped for breath, the letter crumpled in one hand as his other pulled at his hair. Moment from the last two years flashed through his mind. It was unnerving just how many of his memories centered on Kristina. From that first meeting at Maxie and Spinelli's non-reception, to the aftermath of Maya and the Dominican. The teenage girl had wormed her way into every corner of his lfie and refused to let him go. In that moment, it hit him like a ton of bricks.

He loved her.

He _loved_ her.

He loved her, and she was going to leave him.

He pushed himself up, the letter still clutched in his hand. Without thinking, he grabbed his keys and left the Star, his meeting with Johnny long forgotten.

"Molly." Ethan said the minute the girl answered her phone. "Where's Kristina?"

"You found the letter?" she asked, surprisingly calm.

"That was you?" he asked, momentarily distracted.

"Sometimes, my sister doens't know what's best for her. She has a treatment this afternoon at GH, she'll be there for more of the day." Ethan feels a shudder run through him at the word 'treatment,' but he thanks Molly and turns in the direction of GH.

Elizabeth doesn't look particularly surprised to see him, and directs him to the oncology ward. Ethan feels his heart rise into his throat as his worst fears are confirmed, but he's on a mission now, so he keeps moving. He sweet talks to desk nurse into giving him Kristina's room number, managing to miss a particularly Epiphany-esque nurse as he slips into the silent room. Her sleeping form looks so small, her skin pale and washed out agaisnt the stark white sheets. He doesn't, can't, miss the IVs in her arms. He wants to let her sleep, but she must sense him because her eyes flutter open. She smiles at him in her half-asleep state, until recognition dawns on her face and she pulls the blanket over her hospital gown. She moves to sit up, but it's clearly a struggle and Ethan instictively moved to her bedside, gently raising her and the back of the bed up, setting himself down on the bed next to her, his arm still wrapped around hers. She refuses to meet his gaze, a heartbreaking look on her face as she stared at the ground. His arms slip down her arms to wrap her hands in his own.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he whispers harshly.

"I didn't - I don't - I don't want anybody to know. Especially you." Kristina's voice sounded small and tired, barely more than a whisper.

"Kristina, you're my best friend. The best friend I've ever had. I don't understand why you kept this from me."

"Because I don't want you to see me like this."

"Kristina..." he warns, knowing that wasn't the real reason. He held up the letter and he saw Kristina's eyes go wide.

"How did you get that?" she asked after a few tension-filled moments.

"Did you honestly think this was a good idea? Keep something like this a secret, and leave me with nothing but a letter when it's over? When you're...dead?" his voice cracks on the last word and he feels tears pricking at the corner of his eyes.

"I don't want your last memories of me to be like this." she says, gesturing around the room. "Hospitals...sickness...I don't want you to pity me."

"You know what I'll always remember when I think of you, Kristina? Your smile. Your laugh. Your god awful poker face." he said with a sad laugh. "I remember your father's wedding, how beautiful you looked, the way we danced together. I remember when the limo blew up, and all I could think about was making sure that you were okay, that you were safe. How I knew, in that moment, that I always wanted to keep you safe, be that hero you've always thought I was."

"Ethan..." Kristina begs, attempting to pull her hands away from his, only to have him grip them tighter.

"I won't let you give up this easily, Kristina, because I need you. I need you here, with me. I need you to fight, because you've been through too much and you're too damn stubborn to let something like this get in your way." She's crying now, and Ethan releases her hands so he can cup her face, his thumbs wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"You were wrong, by the way. You _are_ the great love of my life, and I'm sorry it took me so long to admit it." She sobs at this, and Ethan tugs on her hands gently until she's on his lap, his forhead pressed against hers.

"I love you, Kristina. I can't lose you. You've always been the one fighting for us. Promise me that you won't give up now."

Kristina nods, and Ethan tilts his head up, his lips meeting hers for their first real kiss. It's chaste and simple, Ethan aware that she is sick and in treatment, but he knows in this moment that she'll survive. Because he loves her in a way that defies all rules, all expectations, loves her totally and completely. She's everything he never knew he needed, and he's not going to let her go, not without a fight.


End file.
